One Year Later
It's the one-year anniversary of the end of my marriage to Dear Husband.
The tiny rational part of my brain tells me I should be waaay over this and not thinking about it any more, but in some weird way I just recently started grieving the World's Shortest Marriage. The hyperprotective part of my brain that safeguards my heart (it's much larger than the rational part) must have been shielding me until I was ready to deal. That, and I've always been kinda slow.
During the past month or so, I've actually started to feel semi-normal for the first time in a year, but the calendar seems to have dealt me a temporary setback.
(A belated birthday greeting from DH really didn't help - even though I've made it perfectly clear to him that I don't want to hear from him ever again, and that he doesn't even come close to meeting my fairly loose criteria for friendship, he persists. He's even slower than I am.)
The past couple of weeks have been really hard. I've been remembering the same two-week period last year - one of the most miserable couple of weeks in my life. It started a couple of days before the Fourth of July, when DH apparently decided that our marriage was over, but declined to share that news with me. We slogged through the relentless heat of Independence Day and my birthday, with DH more distant than ever and me asking ineffectively what was wrong.
The whole thing resolved itself a year ago today, when I found out that DH was spending all of his physical and emotional currency on tranny whores and other miscellaneous extramarital hobbies.
A year later, I'm still struggling to rebuild my life while DH is busy running around behind his Next Victim's back. I'm starting to think NV is a little soft in the head - she's been more than adequately warned about DH, but she seems to be going the distance.
What have I learned in the past year? That I'm really, really lucky to have DH out of my life, but I knew that in the first three seconds after I sent him packing. That anonymous sex with strangers is only a temporary anesthetic, but I sorta knew that too. That I can probably survive pretty much anything, but my childhood already taught me that.
What I'm still trying to learn: To tread cautiously but optimistically, to trust people in spite of what's happened in the past, to be careful with the hearts of others, to take loving care of myself no matter what happens. Wish me luck - I'm hoping for a banner year.