Whoops

Everyone who knew it was a bad idea to email Dear Husband yesterday, please raise your hand.

Ok, you can all put them down now. Needless to say, my initial email sparked an ugly exchange of words that would have been better left unsaid. About 20 messages later, we really took the gloves off - he was a congenital liar with no conscience, and I was a syphilitic whore.

After a much-needed cooling-off period, I decided to let it end there. DH got the last word. In a middle-of-the-night moment of contrition, I sent him a farewell apology, and wished him well. Again.

I regret sending him that first email, and shouldn't have been snooping around his MySpace page in the first place. But I truly wasn't expecting to find what I found - a picture of DH cuddling naked with his Next Victim, a woman whom even her brief internet biography proves is clearly too good for him.

With a little prodding, I realized what the true purpose of my email had been - I was trying to tell DH, yet again, how completely he had crushed my spirit. Again, he chose not to hear. In fact, DH truly believes, or wants to believe, or wants me to believe, that I am the one who destroyed our marriage.

So be it. As one of my evil bosses at my last job used to say when her actions were totally indefensible, it is what it is.

Maybe I am the one who destroyed our marriage - through my inability to accept DH's dishonesty, emotional unavailability and lack of trust, through my unwillingness to succumb to slow emotional death by strangulation.

Either way, it's probably good that we're no longer together now that we know how we truly feel about each other.