Nirvana

Kauai was phenomenal.

The day after I arrived, B and I packed up her truck and set out for Polihale, a remote seven-mile stretch of sand on Kauai's west coast that's miles from the end of the paved highway and accessible only by a potholed dirt road.

We arrived just before sunset and rushed to set up our camp on a rise overlooking the beach so we could watch the show. We sat in our chairs under the pink-painted sky and watched Venus ascend, and I started to really breathe for the first time in what felt like a year.

There were other people at Polihale, but they all left by about 10 pm, and B and I were alone under the stars. Neither of our lanterns worked, which turned out to be a happy accident - we were in the midst of the blackest darkness I've ever seen.

In the morning, B went surfing while I went swimming, and then we made coffee and scrambled eggs without ever getting out of our chairs.

The rest of the trip was just as fabulous. Although I last visited Kauai with Dear Husband, he wasn't on my mind. We hiked and swam and did nothing deliberately and blissfully, and I felt myself healing - at last - from the events of the past year.

F and P came over from Maui for the weekend, and we climbed the Sleeping Giant on a hot Saturday afternoon. As I stood on the giant's forehead looking at the sweeping panoramic views of the island, I felt the fear that's been dwelling inside me finally begin the transformation into faith.

I think I'm going to live after all.