Little Surprises

I keep hoping I've experienced all the big surprises in my short-lived marriage to Dear Husband.

You know, like his Secret Life. And the one where he used a check I gave him months ago to pay his child support six weeks after we separated. (Oh my yes, that was a biiig surprise!)

If I'm lucky, all that's left are the little surprises. Like learning that all that hair clogging the shower drain was his, not mine (that's right, you're going bald, mothafucka!). Like realizing that I haven't bought a cigarette lighter since we met more than five years ago. Like occasionally being surprised, even now, that I'm not wearing my wedding ring. Like realizing yet again that sleeping with a couple of dogs can be just as comforting as spooning in bed with the one you love.

There have been other surprises as well - I've already mentioned my rediscovered enjoyment of being alone. And then there are the comments from several friends who say I seem more like myself than I have in years. Along with that came the unpleasant surprise that I apparently submerged part of my personality in a relationship, something that I don't much care for when I notice it in others.

Most surprising of all has been my power to heal, to bounce back from terrible disappointment, to tentatively move forward even though I have no idea what I'm moving toward.

What hasn't surprised me at all has been the outpouring of love and unswerving support I've received from friends - some that I've known for years or even decades, some who have come into my life recently like unexpected blessings. You guys are the best - I couldn't have made it without you. Thank you for everything.